This is an overview of Lori Bauer's Domestic Violence Presentation at COC on Oct. 11, 2011.
The domestic violence that she discussed that day was strictly among consensual relationships.
- fear, control another's person's behavior, manipulation, power
- hitting, battering, striking, threats, abuse
- stalking, constant texts or calls to know where you are and what you are doing
- not allowing victim to work, go to school, or to see friends or family
- having complete financial control
Domestic Violence encompasses physical, verbal, emotional, social, sexual, and financial aspects of a relationship.
The Cycle of Domestic Violence
Stage 1 - Tension Build Up
- pressure and demands on victim
- victim tries to defend herself or calm him, says it's stressed induced
- he dominates, she accommodates
- she'll reach out for help but because domestic violence isn't strictly physical, the victim may find it hard to get help due to lack of evidence of abuse
- victim is walking on eggshells, knowing an abusive episode can occur at any time
- the unpredictability of not knowing when the episode will occur can be traumatizing and can cause depression
Stage 2 - Explosive
- victim knows this stage is coming so they may instigate a situation, just to "get it over with"
- no control is left; violence at highest
- batterer blames victim for making them act out, inability to accept responsibility
- briefest stage but statistically lasts anywhere from 2 to 24 hours
- can be emotional, can increase anxiety and depression
- she could be in denial about the severity of the attack
Stage 3 - Honeymoon
- batterer is apologetic, loving, and kind
- batterer promises never to act that way again while still blaming victim for "making him do it"
- batterer may give gifts/give back what they were withholding (allow victim to go out, spend money, etc.)
- this is the time when help is most available but victim denies it
- victim defends the relationship and the batterer, says that the batterer has changed/will change, or say that they, themselves, will change
- batterer confides problems; "never been in love like this before"
- statistics show that victims go through the cycle 7 times before completely ending the relationship
- if relationship is long enough, this stage goes away
Warning Signs
Do you know someone that is in an abusive? These are some red flags...
- Does the person intentionally embarrass or insult victim in front of others?
- Does the person have mood swings, going from kind to angry?
- Does the person intimidate or threaten the victim to get what they want?
- Does the person isolate the victim?
- Does the person destroy the victim's property?
- Does the person have to know where the victim is and what they are doing at all times?
- Is the the person excessively jealous, always accusing the victim of cheating?
- Has the person ever threatened or actually killed/abused a pet?
- Doe the person disallow the victim from going to school, work, or seeing family and friends?
- Does the person abuse alcohol and/or drugs?
- Has there been past abuse?
- Does the person force the victim to do sexual acts?
- Is the victim afraid of leaving their significant other because they are afraid of what they will do to them if the leave?
- Does the victim make excuses for him?
- Does the victim believe that she can change him or that she can change herself to make him happy?
- Is the victim afraid to disagree with her partner?
- Does the victim have to get permission to do things (ex: buy something, go out, etc.)?
Domestic violence doesn't discriminate.
For help within the Santa Clarita Community, contact Lori Bauer at lori.bauer@childfamilycenter.org or call 661-255-6847 ex. 5017
